When it comes to sex, there's always a certain level of vulnerability involved. This is both true for partners who have been together for five years, and those who met five minutes ago. We often ask ourselves questions like: “Am I doing this right? Does my partner enjoy this? Does my partner think I’m doing a good job?". These questions come from a great place; we want our partner to have the most comfortable and pleasurable experience possible.
When the idea of introducing sex toys pops up, it can add a whole new level of excitement, but also vulnerability. But fear not sexy people! Freely is here to break the ice and show you how to explore the pleasureful world of sex toys as a couple. We hope that this short guide will help you increase intimacy with your partner, and maybe even make you laugh along the way!
Why Use Sex Toys as a Couple?
Let's be honest. Sex toys are like a secret weapon for pleasure. While this fact seems to be accepted, many mistake toys as tools designed solely to augment solo play. Sex toys can enhance your partnered experiences in ways you've never imagined. Yes, your partner may be really good at polishing your pearl or blowing your whistle… But why settle for good when you can make sex mind-blowing? Here are a few reasons why incorporating sex toys into your couple's playtime is game-changer:
1. Sex toys bring a sense of adventure and playfulness to your bedroom escapades.
It's like unlocking a hidden treasure chest of pleasure and excitement. Even if you’ve been with your boo for ages, you’ll always learn something new about them when bringing an extra ‘friend’ into the equation.
2. We all have unique pleasure preferences, and sex toys can provide that extra oomph to reach heightened stimulation.
Yes yes… The human body has many wonderful tools at our disposal to please ourselves or others, but sex toys are in another league. They offer varying intensities, vibrations, textures, and sizes that manual stimulation alone can't replicate.
3. Let's face it: variety is the spice of life!
Most of us would rather switch things up than eat the exact same dinner every day for years. Sex toys open up a world of possibilities, allowing you to explore different sensations, positions, and experiences. It's like having a buffet of pleasure at your fingertips.
4. Hey, sometimes orgasms can be a little elusive.
There’s no shame in that… But let’s do something about it! Sex toys can be helpful allies in overcoming orgasmic challenges. They provide targeted stimulation that can work wonders for individuals, especially those with vulvas who often require specific types of stimulation.
5. Introducing sex toys requires both parties to practice open communication and trust.
Remember, sex is an inherently vulnerable thing. By exploring this realm together, you can deepen your bond, learn more about each other's desires, and create a safe space for vulnerability and growth.
Now that we've covered the why, let's tackle the "how."
How to Approach the Subject: Communication is Key!
Let’s say you’re now convinced that using sex toys with your partner is the best thing since sliced bread. You might also now be thinking, "How on earth do I bring up the topic without making it awkward?". You don’t want to make your partner feel like they’re not good enough, but you also don’t want to miss out on a whole new world of fun. Now’s the time to be brave, fellow kinky adventurers!
Wowowow, don’t just pull out the Magnum 3000 Super Deluxe Vibrator out of nowhere during your smooching session. The most important thing to remember is still consent, so you’ll have to ask for it. I know this may feel daunting, but it’s a necessary step.
If sitting at the breakfast table and approaching the subject feels too scripted and weird to you, then try to create a more organic moment. Timing and delivery can often be the difference between your partner feeling excited about using toys, or threatened by them. For instance, when you feel the temperature rising and sparks flying, you could tell your partner “Hey, I really want to try using sex toys with you tonight”. Present this to them as an exciting adventure that you’ll embark into together, and not as a critique of their performance. The important things to remember here are:
Listen to your partner and don’t belittle their feelings.
Chances are that your partner wants you to feel fulfilled in your sexual life; it’s not because your partner doesn’t want to use toys that they don’t care about you. It might simply not be the right timing for them.
Don’t apologize for wanting to pursue this aspect of your sexuality.
Your desires are irrevocably valid and you should not feel ashamed for asking your partner to use toys with them, even if they’re not into it.
What if your partner isn't initially into the idea?
Reality is you can't force or persuade someone to try something they're not comfortable with. That’s just not right. In such cases, you can suggest a stepping stone to using toys together. For instance, you could propose using toys during mutual masturbation or foreplay. Let your partner see how it adds to your pleasure without replacing them. Slowly build up to using toys during intercourse if and when they're ready. It's all about creating a safe and enjoyable experience for both of you.
What sex toys should you use with your partner?
Alright, it's time to explore the vast world of sex toys in the context of partnered play. Here are a few toys to consider:
1. Vibrators: This is a tried and true classic; truly a crowd-pleaser! From external wands to insertable vibrators, the options are endless. Its most popular use is to enhance external or internal stimulation for people with vaginas. However, vibration is still highly relevant for those with penises. Introducing vibrating cock rings! Cock rings prevent the back-flow of the blood, keeping the penis harder and erect longer than it otherwise would be, by constricting the shaft. Their vibration will benefit those with vulvas externally, but also help stimulate blood flow in the penis, which is a huge pro for those with erectile dysfunction (see the We-Vibe Pivot). There’s also vibrating toys that can enhance penetration. For instance, the We-Vibe Sync is worn internally during penetration for both clitoral and g-spot stimulation.
Another benefit of vibrators is their ability to be controlled remotely. This means you can let your partner control the intensity of the vibration, bringing a new level of intimacy to your pleasure session. A good example is the Lovense Lush 3, which can be controlled from anywhere in the world - for you long-distance bunnies ;)
2. Dildos, Plugs, and Strap-ons: Ready for some penetrative fun? These toys are perfect for couples looking to explore vaginal or anal play (we recommend the Transpire plug). And this is where Freely shines! We offer a selection of curated flagship toys, which you can personalize by choosing their color and hardness. Most of them can be used for pegging with a strap-on, but we recommend our best-seller, Fonda. You can also opt for a plug which you can wear anally during vaginal penetration, for an extra somethin somethin…
If you’re looking for another way to approach sex toys with your partner, you can build your couples’ very own toy. Make a date out of it! In our toy builder, Freely lets you choose every aspect of your toy, including its shape, size, hardness, and color. Think of the Sims character creator, but for dildos and plugs! We then hand-make the toy out of 100% medical-grade silicone grade silicone and ship it right to your door. Some of our customers replicate their own members, whereas others go crazy with creative and wacky designs. To each their own!
3. BDSM and Sensation Play: For those looking for a touch of kink and sensory exploration, BDSM and sensation play toys can add a whole new dimension to your intimate encounters. Blindfolds and bondage tape are good examples of the countless accessories you can get to spice it up.
Remember, using sex toys is all about mutual exploration and pleasure. Sex is an ongoing journey, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach. Don't be afraid to try new things, laugh together, and discover what brings you both immense joy.