Alright so I was TOYing around with the idea of libido being multifaceted and us having different kinds or origins of our libido when I realized that I needed to write something for you folks.
My desire to write also waxes and wanes but if I don't write for to long I fall out of practice and my writing will suffer; don't get me wrong I love doing this but I also love lobster without being able to eat it all the time. However if I stop cooking lobster I'm gonna be really out of practice when I get that craving, so on the note of me being lazy and having expensive taste I want to talk to you all about what a healthy masturbation routine looks like and why regular practice is better than being intermittent. I don't want to just be spouting off that everyone should masturbate all the time or even what masturbation is in an authoritative way but there are benefits that I think everyone should consider.
I'll start by defining masturbation, masturbation is just sex without including a partner. What I mean by sex is a definition provided by the amazing Rachel Wright where sex is taught as being a meaningful experience of pleasure and nothing more or less aside from the precautions we can take to have safer sex. Many people will think of sex only as being with a partner but I see no reason why it must be(although I can see why we want to have partnered sex). There are many studies around the idea of regular sex being better than intermittent for fertility but these studies all conclude the inclusion of a partner is key to turning these biological tricks; rather these benefits will be more subjective yet hopefully equally as compelling.
Let's start with why I compared this to writing and some really good food, because it's enjoyable but takes time and effort. Achieving the most desirable results requires deliberate practice and care to improve but you won't do it if you don't enjoy the whole process. People often forget to include foreplay with their masturbation routine and instead just hammer it out. Taking those extra few moments to make yourself anticipate your own touch helps create the sensation of lust within yourself without needing to be having another person to lust after(not to say masturbating to images, videos or ideas is wrong just that the object of lust is projected and then fulfilled by the self.) By seducing yourself you'll also gain a better understanding of what type of touch and how much pressure you like.
Being able to customize and guide your experience yourself without needing to explain to someone what you like or trying to relate your pleasure you can simply create and relish in it.
There's going to be some obvious benefits that we're already probably familiar with, but the primary one is that you CAN desensitize yourself a little bit to avoid reaching an orgasm before you'd prefer during partnered sex. This issue is more commonly faced by people with a penis as they tend to achieve orgasm within five to eight minutes during partnered sex as opposed to the average of fourteen minutes that this takes their vaginal counterparts. Further discussions with biological women have lead me to believe the opposite is true in that masturbation can help REDUCE the time to achieve orgasm, thus giving us another way to work towards balancing the orgasm deficit.
This leads into my next point, people with vaginas take longer to achieve orgasm during partnered sex than people with a penis, and having a healthy masturbation routine can be helpful as you'll be able to guide a partner to pleasure you without relying upon the biological differences between the two of you to achieve orgasm.
Your practice can either be fully self taught or partly guided or influenced by learning, most of us already have a routine for our masturbation we developed during adolescents, without intending you can carry shame into the practice that we find ourselves still in as adults. As I said in our first post there's going to be a lot of unlearning to be done and here's a spot where I think we can all start, I'm going to give you guys the exercise I learned from Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy and have been using most often. I wanna clarify I'm not going to teach you HOW to masturbate, we all have different ways of achieving orgasm and prefer a different kind of touch, instead this exercise is meant to help remove shame from your self pleasure time.
This exercise is all about the seduction of sex even without the presence of a partner. Think about when you're wanting to sleep with someone for the first time, we make sure whatever space we plan to have sex in is clean and smells nice to ease the mood and make it a pleasant room to be walked into. Jordan Peterson was right about exactly one thing, clean your room. I'm not talking about to your personal standards but the standards you have for yourself when bringing someone important over; after all who's more important to someone than themselves. Next I want you to focus on yourself for an hour beforehand and do simple things that bring you pleasure and allow you to reconnect with yourself; enjoy a bath or a shower, take a hike for sunset, go out and get yourself a nice meal, as long as you find quiet reflective time to enjoy your own company. Once you've gotten yourself in bed find spots on your body you love just feeling pressure or a touch, I'm a sucker for a soft touch dragging across my right hip. Work yourself up and make you want your touch don't just give in to your first basic instinct(great movie) and start going for your most erogenous zones right away. Same deal with your orgasm, we're not chasing one here we're looking forward to meeting it after a long trip.
As always I hope you enjoyed the read and learned something new for yourself to bring into your bedroom. You can reach me at email@example.com with any questions and comments, or to suggest a topic for a blog post. Now go and spend some time freely exploring your own body.